


Crashed

by Rainripple



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Autistic Eddie, Codependency, Depression, Fluff and Angst, God these tags are depressing, Grieving, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Trans Male Character, probably smut at some point lmao, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-01 23:21:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16774963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainripple/pseuds/Rainripple
Summary: Eddie has a whole lot of a problems and his whole life ahead of him to figure out what to do about them.





	1. Didn't know that I was goin' down

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I have no idea where this fic is going I'm just making it up on the fly but I promise its not going to all be depressing. I have a habit of projecting personal issues onto characters so there'll be more exploration into depression, anxiety, autism etc but Venom will be there to help him through it. Leave me suggestions or prompts in the comments :) Title is based off Crashed by Daughtry. EDIT: this chapter was rewritten on 30th November so if you read it before then i suggest you read it again as i've expanded on this a lot.

Eddie floundered out of the water and collapsed in the shallows.

Plunging into the water from that height knocked all the air from his lungs and it was only due to instinct and some leftover adrenaline that he was able to somehow swim far enough to reach shore. Now that he was on solid ground though, he wasn’t sure if that was really what he wanted.

Lying spread-eagled on his back with the black waves lapping against his legs, he watched burning debris fall around him, sizzling as they sank downwards into the depths of the San Francisco Bay. He kept his eyes on them, if only because every time he shut his eyes for longer than a second, the all too fresh memory of Venom burning to ashes in front of him appeared. When he searched within himself for any signs of the symbiote, he could find nothing – and that unsettled him.

Venom had undoubtedly been an unwelcome presence initially but after everything that had happened in the past couple of hours, Eddie had come to like him. They had begun to understand each other but now what they had was gone and it was just Eddie.

The battle with Riot had exhausted him but that wasn’t the only thing contributing to the fatigue. It was dawning on him that after all that effort, he’d still lost something in the end. True, the world was safe from aliens (for now) but where did that leave Eddie? His apartment was still trashed, he was still unemployed and after hospital bills he’d probably be in debt too and not to mention that he was still pretty alone. Anne was here but he wondered what she’d do now. After all, Eddie wasn’t her responsibility so she had no obligation to stick around especially after Eddie had disrupted her time with her new boyfriend. The past 6 months had been spent lamenting over her and when he’d finally found someone else, that too had been ruined. Outside of Anne and Venom, he had no-one.

Eddie was tired. 

There was only so much loss he could take and this might be the last straw.

He barely had enough strength to even push himself onto his elbows but he could probably just pencil roll himself back into the water. Maybe if he hit his head on the way in he could drown in peace.

Anne found him before he could make a decision.

000

Eddie already had a hard enough time in crowds on a good day nevermind a no-good-very-bad-day.

There were policemen, medical staff and a couple of nosy reporters and thank god Anne was there to deal with everything because Eddie sure as hell wasn’t equipped to deal with that many people. It was overwhelming but between that and coming to terms with the near future without his buddy, he wasn’t sure which one he’d rather deal with.

The next couple of hours were a blur. He just shivered under a blanket till he arrived at the hospital and then got whisked into Dan’s protection where he handled the bulk of taking care of Eddie’s injuries and ensuring he got a private room. Dan called it a miracle that he escaped out of that with only a few burns and a couple of broken bones but Eddie felt far from lucky. The positive diagnosis went over his head a little in lieu of aching with how empty he felt.

After god knows how much time, things settled down eventually. The clock read 3:24 and he knew he should sleep and let Anne go but also he was reluctant to be left alone and be forced to acknowledge that Venom was really gone. Nevertheless, he held himself back from saying anything from the sort; it’s not like he deserved it after everything he’d done to Anne. Like being the reason she lost her job, barging into her life uninvited just because he missed her, not apologising for anything until an alien told him to-

“Eddie?”

He blinked up at her.

“Eddie, will you be okay tonight?”

A fake smile formed immediately and he laughed, internally wincing when it came out strained. “Yeah, yeah I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

She gave him a sad smile, a very knowing “uhuh really” expression (damn he never could hide anything from her). “If you want me to stay…”

“No! No, really. You should be going home. I’m sorry to have kept you out so late.”

“Eddie…” She sighed. “Well if you insist. Don’t forget the hospital staff will be around if you need anything.”

She leant down to give him a hug and it took everything in him to not start crying there. He’d always been a sucker for hugs.

Then she was gone, turning the lights off behind her and leaving him in the dark.

Eddie sat there for a few moments in silence before he whispered, “Venom?”

It was pretty much futile but there was no harm in trying.

“Venom? Bud? Are you there? …Parasite. Fuck you. Answer me dammit…”

The longer he went unanswered, the more clear it became that he was no longer there. Eddie trailed off eventually, tears coming strongly and choking him up as he muffled sobs into his pillow to avoid drawing attention. The pain hurt worse than when Riot had stabbed him, and he only felt more shitty as he wrapped his arms around himself in some make-shift form of self-comfort.

000

Eddie’s apartment was still a mess of broken furniture and bullet holes when he was discharged so Anne and Dan made him stay over at theirs. He didn’t have much of a choice to be fair but that didn’t mean it was smooth sailing. 

The spare room was clean and tidy – tidier than his own place had been – and they made sure he ate properly (but only because he didn’t want to cause more trouble) and yet he felt distinctly uncomfortable either because of grief over Venom’s demise or the fact that this house was no longer his home and he was just an intruder. Keeping up the act in pretending he was recovering and not in fact caught up in emotional pain was exhausting too, and he just wanted to curl up somewhere where people wouldn’t bother him.

He finally made himself go home a week later despite Anne’s protests.

His apartment showed signs that someone had been in here cleaning up: the window had been replaced and the broken furniture had been cleared away. Eddie just ended up feeling more guilty and he crawled into bed, trying to ignore the plethora of deprecating thoughts swirling around in his head.

000

Anne called him a few times and each time she did, Eddie tiredly insisted he was okay and that she didn’t need to keep checking up on him. He even sent a few pics of food to prove he was eating. He didn’t tell her that he rarely ate even two meals a day, sometimes just going without altogether.

She was yet to make an actual appearance at his door and for that he was thankful. Being alone in his own misery wasn’t ideal but he’d rather be depressed out of sight of other people.

Another two weeks rolled by painfully slowly.

He spent the majority of his time trying to sleep - trying being the key word. Being unconscious was better than being awake and being forced to dwell on Venom but the frequent nightmares that interrupted his sleep weren’t any better. Sometimes it was about Riot and sometimes it was just him reaching towards Venom but being unable to do anything but watch him scream in agony as he burned painfully. Every time he woke, he felt like his heart had literally been ripped out and he sniffled pitifully, aching for some sort of comfort but unable to receive any. He’d forgotten how to ask for help and any thought of doing that made his gut twist.

Eddie could be doing other things but he honestly didn’t know what he wanted to do. He’d been offered his old job back and given time to think it over but he’d yet to make a decision, always delaying it for some other day. In his state it’s possible that he’d never actually do anything about it.

Anything else he liked to do had lost its edge to it. Sometimes he played some music or turned the TV on as background noise but nothing really went in and he didn’t exactly feel much pleasure.

There was one day when the fog lifted enough for him to be able to make a quick trip to stock up on supplies. Mrs Chen made the “you look like shit” comment again but its not like she was wrong. It didn’t take long for his energy to run out though and he collapsed back into bed as soon as he was home again.

Some part of him didn’t understand why he was grieving so hard for someone he’d known under 48 hours. Maybe he’d come to realise having someone permanently in your body wasn’t a completely bad thing. Maybe he liked that because then he’d never be alone.

000

Anne made an inevitable visit eventually and Eddie wasn’t at all prepared for it. There wasn’t anything he could do about either himself or the state of the apartment though so he opened the door, watching the disappointment appear on her face.

She wasted no time taking charge. Eddie was sent off to take a shower – jesus it really had been 5 days since he last showered – while Anne phoned up Dan and ordered some takeaway.

About an hour later, Eddie was seated on his couch, smelling fresher and admittedly feeling just a little better. He blinked when Dan came in with a duffel bag which ended up containing fresh bedsheets and pyjamas.

“What..?”

“We’re staying over tonight Eddie. You look like you could use some company.”

He just looked at them in bemusement.

“If you don’t want us to…”

“N-no. No, it’s okay.”

Anne gave him a look of concern and he did that awkward smile he did when he was trying to be reassuring. “I mean it. I don’t mind you staying over. I just didn’t think it was something you guys wanted to do.”

The takeaway arrived then, cutting off that point in the conversation. They turned on some more comfortable topics over food, mostly anecdotes about Dan or Anne’s work. For some reason, they insisted he stay in between them on the couch and it was the same in bed. He felt super awkward being in the middle because surely wouldn’t Anne and Dan want to be closer to each other?

They were both on their sides facing him, Anne in particular seeming to be mulling over something. Eddie flinched when she reached over to stroke his hair.

“You don’t need to be afraid to ask for help, Eddie.”

“I know,” he mumbled. That was easier said then done though.

He’d been deliberately vague about how the past few weeks had been but Anne obviously could tell what needed to be done because the next thing she did was roll him over so he was facing her. She wrapped him up in a hug with Dan following suit around Eddie’s back so he was nice and wrapped up in affection and it was a little too much. He couldn’t help the tears that came out; he’d always been eager for any sort of comfort like this after growing up with a dad who wanted nothing to do with him. Eddie was glad Anne didn’t try to squeeze details out of him, letting him take his time on deciding how much he was ready to open up about. The physical comfort was more than enough anyway.

Anne continued stroking his hair while Dan gave his arm little comforting rubs. Eddie managed to stop crying after a while and exhausted, he fell asleep, feeling more at peace.


	2. Can you hear me when I call your name?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uiwefhrj sorry this update took so long, some things came up and i also wanted to do a bit more proper planning so i know what i wanted to do with this fic. i tried balancing me things and eddie things so i hope this doesn't come out too ooc. title based off call my name by daughtry. enjoy :)

Eddie had surprisingly few friends.

On the Eddie Brock show, he put up a convincing front of almost cocky confidence and combined with how he interacted with people that were usually ignored, the average person would assume that he had no shortage of friends. Things however were a little more complicated with that.

Finding people who would be his friend was not the problem; it was finding ones that would stick around. Eddie had cycled through quite a few friendship groups as he grew up and it always ended up the same. He thought at first that maybe he was too outspoken about his opinions so he tried being more compliant (and maybe trying a little too hard to please) but neither approach stopped people from eventually drifting away from him.

It really, really baffled him and the struggle to understand whether the problem was with him or the people he interacted with was enough to thrust him into a 4 year long depression bout that just got worse and worse. Eddie had spent a lot of that time dwelling on himself, on what it could be that made him disposable, that his father hated so much that he wouldn’t even smile at him. He found his answers by college age – it was natural for people to change interests and friends and not necessarily anything to do with him specifically and well, his dad just hated him because he blamed him for his mother dying during childbirth. He got his answers but he wished he’d found them before the damage had been done.

Anne was the only person who’d stuck around when he started his degree and the only one still there when he finished too. Eddie had opted to try a different approach this time round in that he would just let friends come and go as they pleased. He would not actively push people away and he would not actively tried to keep them around either. He was friendly but not particularly close to anyone; it seemed like a good idea at the time and he hadn’t really cared because all he needed was Anne right? As long as he loved Anne and she loved him everything was okay.

It was her that kept him going through those awful awful years where he had been so ready to stop wasting time and just die. He would do anything for her and he trusted her every word (what reason would he have to doubt her?)

Eddie had thought that they were perfect together but as he sat at the dinner table with Anne and Dan, he realised he’d been wrong again. Anne had been the best thing for him but it didn’t work the other way round. He thought he had stopped being clingy but really he had gone beyond that into being over dependent on her. Drake’s words about him being a ‘parasite’ rang in his head because really he was right. He’d been holding Anne back all this time with his stupid problems; she deserved someone who could actually function properly and be able to handle at least some of their own problems without her.

Had he really loved her or had he just been so desperate in finding a reason to live that he’d just deluded himself into doing that?

He didn’t know.

* * *

He thought about it after dinner when he was at Mrs Chen’s (who he had to watch get robbed AGAIN) and he thought about it at home but all he ended up doing was get depressed.

Eddie laid in bed that night, staring at the ceiling, just having the same series of negative thoughts loop around and practically drive him mad with pain. Pathetic, worthless, waste of space, they were things he was no stranger to but that didn’t mean he was immune to them. He wanted to cry but he just couldn’t get himself to do it and that only served to frustrate him further.

Anne sent him a text every night asking how he was. His reply was always some variation of “I’m okay” or “I’m good” though whether he actually meant it varied. Sometimes she could sense she was lying and probed further, in which case he just relented because he shouldn’t keep lying all the time.

Tonight, his response was “really really shitty.”

He didn’t know _why_ he said that when every other time he tried to hide it. He was trying _not_ to be burden but here he was sending stupid texts that would probably worry Anne. It just sent another stab of guilt and he just rolled over and tried to go to sleep.

Eddie didn’t get much in because about 45 minutes later he was woken up by a call from Anne.

“hEY?”

“Eddie! Are you okay?”

“yeah?”

“Oh god I was so worried. You didn’t reply to either of our messages.”

Oh damn so even Dan was involved. Fuck.

“I’m okay. I’m feeling better.”

Technically that was only half a lie. It was true that Eddie didn’t feel like he wanted to stab himself anymore but feeling too numb to feel even that didn’t exactly count as okay.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Nah, nah it’s okay Anne. I’m just going back to sleep if that’s alright with you.”

“Okay, sleep well.”

“Sorry to worry you.”

“Don’t apologise it’s okay.”

Eddie bit his lip. It wasn’t okay for him. He didn’t like making her worry for no reason.

When he hung up, he checked the messages. There were about 5 from Anne that grew increasingly more frantic and 1 from Dan which was something cordial like “We’re both worried for your wellbeing. Please reply to either of us and let us know that you’re okay.”

Trust Dan to even have perfectly written texts.

* * *

_Eddie got off his motorbike with a bottle of wine under his arm. He knocked on the door, expecting to be greeted with either Anne or Dan but instead he came face to face with his old man. Or at least how he looked last time Eddie saw him before he was disowned._

_“What are you doing here?” He grunted, looking as disgusted as ever._

_“Me? What are_ you _doing here?”_

_“I asked first.”_

_He looked up to double check and yes this was definitely Anne’s house – Mr Belvedere was even looking at him through the window._

_“This is meant to be Anne’s house.”_

_“Meant to be.”_

_Eddie stared at him. “What is that supposed to mean?”_

_“It means they’re not here you dumb fuck.”_

_He laughed nervously. “You’re joking right?” As if his dad ever joked about anything. “Come on, just tell me what you did with them.”_

_His dad smiled. “They left Eddie.”_

_Eddie’s heart stopped and for a very long moment he became all too aware of how quiet it was._

_“W-what?”_

_“You really are an idiot aren’t you? Do you really not get it? I’ll tell you how it is,_ son _.” He spat that last word as if it was rotten. Clenching a hand in Eddie’s shirt, he dragged Eddie down to his level, forcing eye contact as he continued his tirade. “You’re a useless, selfish good-for-nothing who can’t even function properly by himself. They left because you were too much of a goddamn burden. You had one friend and you couldn’t even keep her around. How shitty does that make you? Huh?”_

_Eddie’s eyes were slowly drawn downwards by some movement in the corner of his eye where his dad’s unoccupied hand was shifting into one of Riot’s blades. He sneered, “We both know what would be the best thing for everyone, don’t we?”_

_And then it stabbed right through his chest._

_The air was knocked out of him and he couldn’t even make himself scream even through the pain searing through him. The strength in his legs gave out and he’d be on the floor if it wasn’t still in him._

_His dad started dragging him in further then. They went up the stairs and into Anne’s bedroom. They really should have only been on the first floor but when Eddie was dangled out of the window, there were at least 70 stories below him. That was when he started to panic._

_“Wait! Wait!”_

_The figure holding him wasn’t even quite a single being anymore, forming some ugly morph that shifted between his dad, Drake, Riot and that bully in fourth grade who dangled him out of the window and dropped him. It pulled him close, ignoring his begging to say, “You are nothing.”_

_And then they let go._

_He fell_

_._

_._

_._

_And he fell_

_._

_._

_._

_And he fell_

_._

_._

_._

_He couldn’t stop screaming, especially when he realised he wasn’t dropping into a random San Franciscan street anymore he was dropping into an endless dark abyss of_ nothing _. He was just going to keep falling forever and nobody would be there to catch him._

_“Someone! Someone please, help me!”_

_“You are nothing” the darkness seemed to echo back at him._

_It felt like he was crying- he was crying. It was dark like when he was in Venom but at least with Venom he wasn’t alone. Speaking of that…_

_“Venom! Venom!”_

**EDDIE.**

He fell back onto something but he kept thrashing out of nothing but pure instinct and utter terror. Eddie only stopped when something grabbed hold of his wrists.

**EDDIE. I AM HERE.**

He blinked at the giant hands and legs in front of him before he turned around to see whose chest he’d landed on.

“V-venom…?”

Venom grinned back at him.

**EDDIE.**

Oh god wow, Eddie could really feel the urge to cry come back. He tried holding it in at first but Venom just tutted, turned him around so his head was lying on his chest and told him to **LET IT GO** and he did.

Some of it was happy tears of relief that Venom was in fact NOT dead but it was mainly just him venting out all the negativity that had been building up. Venom held him through it, arms wrapped around Eddie’s trembling shoulders as he sobbed loudly. A large hand brushed through his hair, comforting him until his tears finally ran out.

He let out a sigh when he was done, clenching his hand when a few of Venom’s tendrils tangled themselves between his fingers. There were a few moments of quiet and then he whispered, “So you weren’t dead?”

**SORRY EDDIE. TOO WEAK.**

“That’s okay I-” Eddie paused abruptly as he realised something. “Oh god I’ve been eating terribly, is that why you took so long to come back? Oh fuck oh fuck jesus I’m sorry fuck-”

His babbling was halted with a tendril slapped over his mouth.

**SHUSH EDDIE. CALM DOWN.**

The tendril removed itself when Eddie finally let himself relax. Venom gently laid him back down on the bed and began to recede into his body, only to come back out when Eddie panicked and tried to grab him.

“W-Wait! Don’t leave!”

**NOT LEAVING. ALWAYS HERE.**

He was trembling again and he would feel pathetic about it but Venom was not having it. Eddie felt some sort of mental barrier go down, blocking off all the bad thoughts while the sound of Venom’s purring filled his mind.

He whimpered as he felt Venom cover up his eyes and his ears. “Venom?”

**HERE EDDIE. SLEEP** he said in Eddie’s mind as he wrapped him up in his arms and forced his body to relax, lulling him to sleep.

* * *

**Eddie 4:05am**

eddie need break don’t call

**Anne 7am**

Eddie?????????????

**Eddie 7:02am**

we are venom

**Eddie 7:05am**

do not worry he is safe

**Anne 7:07am**

What happened??

**Eddie 7:09am**

bad night Don’t worry he’ll be fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise you there will be some nice things happening to Eddie next chapter. Hmu on twitter @LuckyRainripple. Comments always appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on twitter @LuckyRainripple   
> Second chapter should be coming sometime this weekend so stay tuned :)


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